Border Patrol

Given recent events at British Airports it is not surprising that we are all thinking about border issues and the rapid invasion of security into our travelling experiences.
I travel a fair bit on business and you can tell a fair bit about a country from the experience at the border.
The Yanks are fully paranoid and have been since 9/11 with levels about to rise off the scale again. No doubt they will have groups deep in the Department of Homeland Security plotting ways to ruin our freedom to travel about our own country back here and we will have border staff just waiting to pick up on the latest shoe X-ray technology. Sensible travellers will wear jandals at airports from now on.
What really is our biggest border risk? Probably it’s Asian bird flu, but we don’t seem to do much about that. On leaving or entering China everyone has their temperature read digitally as you cross the border. Those with a high temperature are checked by a doctor to see if bird flu really is the problem. Seems sensible to me and it is done with little disruption, so what do we do?
We greet our visitors and returning exporters from China with dogs!
Ambling towards the immigration line, following the long haul back from Hong Kong earlier this year an official Fido leapt at my trouser pocket excitedly. Before I could boot the damn thing off, I’m lead off to where the Mr Bigs get interviewed. A long wait ensued interspersed with detailed examination of my pockets, wallet and carry on bag, all the while being badgered by the tattooed Pom in the Customs uniform who is absolutely sure he’s nailed another Mr Big.
"You’re nervous", he accused me, mistaking growing anger for fear, although the discussion with a large burly fellow Customs official about rectal searching did induce a slight tremor. "The dog has been known to be wrong", I was told in the same tone that a Tui’s advert might be related. I was never told what I was suspected of having, but I can assure readers that international business is quite hard enough without contemplating carting illegal substances across a border.
What was the driver of this behaviour? Well, apparently this fellow had been star of some reality border show that I hadn’t seen, which must have disappointed him. Eventually in the absence of anything illegal, (not because it was hidden, but because it didn’t exist), I was allowed to collect my possessions which were thoroughly X-rayed, still without result and join my business partner who had been waiting an hour and a half for me, wondering what the heck has happened.
Customs lodge a report on each of these events, so I asked if I was to be stopped every time in the future. No reply, so I sought a copy of the report under the Official Information Act.
This reveals yet another area of over-employment curtesy of the taxpayer. Weeks later the Customs report appears with some lines blocked out. Why? Nothing happened!
Yet another group of officials are now needed. The Privacy Commissioner’s Office eventually respond weeks later, telling me that they cannot utilise email as it might not protect my privacy, and the amended Customs report arrives but still with one line hidden by thick black ink, apparently to avoid prejudicing any future court action! The lines that have been unblocked don’t really say much either, so I’m mystified by the purpose of the report, nor do I know what special border warning status, if any, that I now have.
The really odd thing is that I was a bit worried about the bird flu thing, but due to Customs dragging me out of the process I missed the Ag and Fish guys. You see, while wandering around the old part of a Chinese town we rounded a corner in a lane to find ourselves in the duck market! Obviously no transfer of disease occurred as I’m still well.
The Custom officer told me he was protecting my children! What from? If they were really worried out drugs and my kids, why not close down the P labs known to exist in the North. If it was marijuana he was worried about, that’s grown in Northland. No need to go to China.

Wayne Brown